


Everything Makes Me Think Of You

by sunshinekittyy



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, Confession, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 04:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18229631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinekittyy/pseuds/sunshinekittyy
Summary: It’s been a week since the events of costume day, and Cyrus still hasn’t talked to TJ. However, a few special muffins make him realize how much he misses him, and might make him change his mind about that.





	Everything Makes Me Think Of You

**Author's Note:**

> a small ficlet inspired by a post by @theobligatedklutz on tumblr! This ended up longer than expected, but enjoy!

Seven days. Seven days it had been since Cyrus last spoke to TJ. Seven days it had been since he saw who he thought was his best friend doing a matching costume with Kira, of all people. An entire week since his life had gone completely upside down. He wanted to say that he expected it, that he knew this was coming, but he would be lying. In reality, Cyrus really did think TJ would do the costume with him. The way the other boy’s face lit up when he thought of the idea, the way he was so eager to do it, heck, just the simple fact that he wanted with him. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from getting his hopes up. From getting excited. He had even abandoned Andi’s idea to do this costume, because it was personal to them, because no one except him could’ve done it, because it was an inside joke, and just the thought of TJ coming up with a costume about something that no one else would understand except them made his heart warm up. He had dressed up as freaking salt, in the hopes of being able to finally match with someone. Unfortunately for him, TJ seemed to feel differently about that, because he hadn’t come with his part of the costume. He was the one who suggested it, and he was the one who bailed. Cyrus felt played, betrayed, upset. He felt like a fool. How could he have been so stupid to think that anyone would want to do a costume with him? He knew better than that. And yet, he had let himself be convinced otherwise. Maybe it was because he thought TJ was different. Or maybe, just maybe, he had the slightest bit of hope that he liked him- and not just as a friend. Because, and Cyrus realized it now, what he felt towards TJ wasn’t just what he felt towards Buffy, or Andi, or even Jonah. It was way more than that. Everything seemed better when he was around. He liked seeing him smile, he liked seeing him want to become a better person, he liked just watching him be excited about something he liked. He liked the colour of his eyes, he liked it when he called him Underdog... he liked him. He didn’t like to admit it, heck, it took him forever to finally accept it, but there was no doubt now; he was in love with TJ Kippen. And maybe that why it made it so hard. 

He avoided him at school, he didn’t respond to his texts or calls, he just couldn’t face him. Not yet. He felt like he was falling apart, but of course he’d never show it. When his friends asked, he’d just brush it off, tell them he’s just tired. It wasn’t completely a lie, really, because he had been losing sleep these couple of days. He lied awake at night, thinking of TJ with Kira and their costume, or thinking of his smile, or thinking of how much he missed him. He didn’t want to miss him, but he couldn’t help it. Sometimes, he just took his phone and looked at his contact name, urging to just send a text. Just to hear his voice again, just to be able to talk to him again. But somehow, his heart just ached each time, and he ended up not doing it. On the outside, he looked fine, but on the inside, he was completely broken. He tried everything he could to hide it, to look fine, but the more days that passed by, the more his shell seemed to break. His friends seemed to notice, because they seemed more concerned, but he just brushed them off. Of course, they knew what happened, so they probably knew why he was upset, but he didn’t want to talk about it. He just wanted to live his life, and just forget about this whole thing. Somehow, however, everything in his life made it impossible to do so. It was like everything he did made him think of TJ. 

On Wednesday, as he attended Buffy’s basketball practice, he had seen him pass by the gym. He had prayed every God in the universe that TJ wouldn’t see him, but in vain. The blond boy glanced at the gym and had seen him. Cyrus didn’t know what hurt most, the fact that TJ had been standing there, or the fact that he had immediately lowered his gaze. The fact that he couldn’t even look at him hurt him in a way even he couldn’t understand. He knew why TJ did that, and yet, it had stung worse than he would admit. He had felt like he wanted to vomit. He had almost broke, right there, but he had just repressed his feelings and put a smile on his face. TJ had eventually left, and Cyrus was unable to cheer Buffy on like he usually did. His hands had been trembling, and the tears were so close. He was able to hold it in until the end, though, but as he tried to get home, he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it. He had simply made a detour to the bathroom, and locked himself in a stall to cry. He hated that, this situation, feeling miserable and vulnerable, feeling like things couldn’t get better. He wished he could just ignore his feelings and be happy again. He wished he could talk to TJ again. But would he want to? He did apologize to him, but did he mean it? He couldn’t know if he didn’t ask, but somehow, he was still hesitant to do that. 

It was Friday evening now, he had just come back from school when he was greeted by his step-mother, who had a big grin on her face. She looked excited, and Cyrus didn’t know how to take that. He raised an eyebrow. 

“What is going on?” He inquired, a bit afraid of her answer. His step-mother just took his hand and dragged him to the kitchen. Cyrus didn’t even have time to complain, he didn’t really have the energy either, so he just let her. On the way there, she finally spoke up again. 

“So you know that bakery? From across the street?” Cyrus simply nodded, unable to give a more elaborate answer. “Well, I did a bit of investigating and turns out, they do sell those muffins you like a lot. You know, the same ones you’ve been talking about for weeks?” They arrived in the kitchen, and she directed his gaze towards the kitchen table. Right there, in front of him, laid a tray filled with blueberry macadamia muffins. Cyrus felt like his heart literally jumped out of his chest. His step-mom only grinned. 

“I was able to order a few just for you. I hope you like them” Cyrus just stared at the muffins, unable to speak. He felt like his throat was dry all of a sudden, like the world was just spiralling, like all the feeling he had been concealing for the past week were about to erupt. He was trying so hard not to cry. Of all the things in the universe, it had to be these specific muffins. TJ’s favorites. It was as if all the pain he’d been feeling just slapped him in the face all at once. His bottom lip started quivering, which his step-mom didn’t miss. 

“Cyrus? Is everything okay, honey?” And after that sentence, he was long gone. He couldn’t hold everything in anymore, it was as if just seeing those muffins was like seeing TJ himself. He just burst out in tears, and he was unable to stop. His step-mom just stared at him, completely confused, but she hugged him, asking no questions. She let him cry for a bit, because he was not stopping, and she just grew even more concerned. 

“I-I’m... s-so-sorry, I just...” he can’t even finish the sentence, he just continues to sob. God, he needed to get himself together. But somehow, he was unable to do that. He tried to take deep breaths to calm down, swallowing hard. He felt so weak, so vulnerable, so... pathetic. He was shaking in his step-mom’s arms, the sobs getting more and more intense. She just frowns. 

“Do you... not like the muffins?” She seemed so concerned, and now Cyrus just felt absolutely horrible. He pulled away from her a bit, shaking his head. 

“It’s not... it’s not that” he started, his voice shaky and cracked. “I-I appreciate the effort, and the muffins, really. I do. I just...” he bit his lip and looked down. “I just have... stuff going on” he didn’t really feel like going into details. Not right now. “I’ll tell you all about it soon, okay? I...” 

“You need some time, alone, I get that” she finished for him, a small smile on her face. Cyrus nodded, sniffling as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

“Y-yeah...”

“I understand. But... know that I’m here if you need anything” she spoke softly. Cyrus managed to smile weakly. 

“I-I know. And I’m thankful for that” he gives her one last hug before going to his room. On the way, he eyed the tray of muffins lonely before taking one with him. No matter how much it hurt to see them, he couldn’t not eat at least one, they were just too good. He stared at it while he sat on his bed pensively. His hands were trembling. ‘Blueberry macadamia nut is my favourite type of muffins. Remember that’ TJ had told him one day. God, why did everything remind him of him? No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get him out of his head. Of all the people he could’ve fallen for, it had to be TJ, the captain of the basketball team, the cool guy, probably the one guy he couldn’t have. He was really setting himself up for disappointment. He ate the muffin in silent, feeling more tears up his eyes. He’d been crying and moping for an entire week in his room, and he was sick of that. He just wished things would go back to normal. He just wanted to call TJ. He took out his phone and just stared at his home screen. Of course, it had to be a picture of him and TJ, why did he have to be such a sap? He hated himself for smiling even the slightest at the sight of it too. It took him everything not to slap himself back to reality. His hands were trembling, but he still managed to go on his contacts and stare at his messages with TJ. He took his sleeve to wipe the tears off his eyes again. His heart ached so much, but after a week, he was finally going to actually read what TJ sent him. 

Teej <3 : Cyrus  
Teej <3 : Cyrus, please answer my texts  
Teej <3 : Look, I know I messed up but please, let me explain myself  
Teej <3 : Jesus, I feel horrible, and I swear, there’s a perfectly good explanation for this  
Teej <3 : I don’t care if you don’t forgive me, I want to at least talk  
Teej <3 : I miss you so much  
Teej <3 : Cyrus... 

There were so many more, followed by a bunch of missed calls as well. Cyrus hadn’t realized that he was crying again until he noticed that his phone screen was wet. He took a deep breath. Now, he just felt even more horrible, because it seemed like TJ felt genuinely bad. Part of him was yelling at him to not answer these texts, to just continue ignoring him, but the other part wanted to forgive him. Because being away from him was just too bad. That realization had hit him like a truck when he had seen the muffins on the table. He really did genuinely miss him, and it killed him, it absolutely killed him on the inside. But he didn’t feel ready. He still felt like TJ was going to hurt him again. He didn’t know what to think, he didn’t know how to feel. He was angry at him, he was upset at him, but he also loved him. Gathering all the courage he could, he made himself type a message. 

Me: you have five minutes. 

Did it sound too cold? Too rude? He didn’t know, but he wanted to show TJ that yes, he was still upset at him, but that he was willing to give him a chance. He did feel a bit bad, though, but he couldn’t help himself. The response came way quicker than he expected because almost immediately, his phone buzzed. It was almost as if TJ was waiting for this text.

Teej <3 : CYRUS!  
Teej <3 : CYRUS OH MY GOD  
Teej <3 : i didn’t think you’d finally answer nhsjsks  
Teej <3 : i missed you so much  
me: four minutes 

Cyrus almost felt bad for being so rude, truly. He couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter when he saw how much TJ seemed to miss him, though. But he didn’t want to get his hopes up again. 

Teej <3 : oh oh okay fuck uh  
Teej <3 : wait i feel like i can’t... do this in text  
Teej <3 : can we... like... meet up? 

Cyrus hesitated at that. His heartbeat accelerated just at the thought of him seeing TJ again face to face and talking to him. He didn’t feel ready to face him yet. However... he just wanted the pain to stop. He just wanted them to hang out again, like they used to. He just wanted to see him smile again. 

Me: yeah, sure  
Teej <3 : omg wait for real?! like actually-  
Me : yes  
Teej <3 : okay okay uh- meet me at the swings at 10? 

God, Cyrus couldn’t help but smile ever so slightly at that. ‘The swings’ it was their thing. Their place. He didn’t want to feel hope again, but god, it was so hard. It had taken everything he could not to go to the swings during the past week- just because he was scared that TJ would be there, waiting for him which, after the gun incident, could be a possibility at this point. But now, he couldn’t resist. Despite every voice in his head telling him no, he couldn’t see himself saying no. He wanted to know if this friendship was worth keeping, or if TJ didn’t care. He had to know. 

Me: sure  
Teej <3 : oh my god jdjsksks okay uh  
Teej <3 : does the time to get there count in the five minutes? 

Even in the hardest times, this boy managed to make him smile. Dammit, he couldn’t even stay mad at him. He couldn’t stop himself from chuckling at that. 

Me: no, don’t worry about that.  
Teej <3 : okay, see you there then :)

He felt himself melt just because of one simple smiley. TJ was happy to go meet him. Happy to maybe mend things. He finally stood up from his bed, shoving his phone in his pocket. He felt like he was going to regret this, like this was a bad idea. If Buffy and Andi knew about this, they’d probably dissuade him not to do it. He was just setting himself to be hurt. However, he’d rather get hurt than to just stay with unanswered questions. If this was the end, he needed to rip the bandage and get it over with. 

——————-

Cyrus was sitting on one of the swings, making himself swing back and forth slowly, feeling anxious. He didn’t know how to feel, to talk to TJ again. He still felt like the wound was fresh from yesterday. Should he even be doing this? If he were to give him another chance, would he hurt him again? Would he feel that same aching pain on the inside? Would he still lose sleep at night, wondering if TJ thought of him like he did? If TJ also felt butterflies whenever he crossed his mind too? Those thoughts scattered his head constantly. He’s always had that fear at the back of his mind, but now, it just felt even more real. He suddenly heard footsteps near him, and his heart skipped a few beats. 

“Hey Cyrus” he’d recognize his voice between thousands. He didn’t even have to turn his head, he knew TJ was standing right next to him. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat now. He slowly turned his head, meeting his gaze.

“TJ” his tone was neutral, not cold per say, but more hurt. TJ seemed a bit surprised by that but he just nods. 

“Alright, I deserve that” he simply said. He didn’t sit on the swings, he just stood there, staring at him. Cyrus stopped swinging, never looking away. The look in his eyes showed hesitation and fear, and TJ definitely caught up on that. He gulped nervously. “Listen... about what happened...” he’s so nervous, and even Cyrus notices it. He almost feels bad for a second, but he tries not to let it show. TJ takes a deep breath. “I said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m sorry” Cyrus simply looks at him, silent for a few seconds. He wants to believe him, but he was just so hurt. He stood up and stared at him right in the eyes. 

“What exactly were you thinking, TJ? You should’ve told me that you didn’t want to do a costume with me. I...” he pauses, almost lowering his gaze, but maintaining it either way. “I would’ve understood” TJ remained silent at that, before frowning. 

“What do you mean by that?” This time, Cyrus couldn’t help but look away. 

“I mean that I know I’m replaceable okay? I get that you just wanted to do the costume by pity. I get that. But you could’ve...” he paused, feeling his eyes water up. If there was one thing he didn’t want to do, it was to cry right now. Not again. He sniffled. “Look, you could’ve just... told me you didn’t want to do it. I would’ve understood. I was supposed to do a costume with my friends, you know that? I was supposed to be Mount Rushmore with my friends, and I bailed on them to do a costume with you.”

“Cyrus...”

“And you bailed on me! Do you know how hurt I was? Do you know how...” he was really this closer from breaking again, so he stopped for a few seconds. “... how much I wanted to do this? I... god, it doesn’t matter, okay? It just... doesn’t” He finally quieted down, keeping his gaze down. He couldn’t see TJ, but he could see him shuffling his feet awkwardly, and hear him clearing his throat. 

“Cyrus... I had- I had no idea, really. I didn’t... god, I just feel worse now”

“You’re just saying that”

“But I’m not.” TJ said a bit louder and Cyrus looks up at him. “I mean it, I really do. It does matter how you feel, Cyrus. I never wanted to hurt you” Cyrus took a step closer, staring at him. 

“Then why did you? You could’ve... said no. Why did you do it, with Kira of all people?” There was a silence after that, as if TJ was afraid to answer. The look in his eyes changed, like he was about to make the biggest confession ever. He gulped. 

“Because... because I’m a coward, alright? She blackmailed me and... I was afraid to... say no because of that” now he was the one who lowered his gaze, and Cyrus softened up a bit, suddenly confused. 

“I... I don’t understand, what did she blackmail you about?” Yet another silence, and Cyrus swore each one was more painful than the previous. 

“... she... look, to tell you the truth, I really did want to do the costume, okay? I really did, I was excited about it, I literally thought about it all the time after I told you” he started. Cyrus’ heart skipped a beat again; did TJ really think of him and their costume like that? He tried not to let it distract him. “I even told Kira, I told her that I couldn’t do a costume with her, because I was set with you. I swear I did, and I was ready to find every excuse possible to not do it with her. However, she... told me things... and...” he stopped talking for a few seconds, and there was just a silence. Cyrus hated that silence, it just made him even more anxious. He dreaded what was coming, if he’d allow himself to admit it. He met TJ’s gaze, and it was suddenly filled with fear. He didn’t like that at all. 

“She got to my head, alright? She messed with me, messed with my feelings. She tried to imply that... this... us... that doing the costume with you was wrong” this time, Cyrus couldn’t help but frown. 

“Why would it be wrong?” 

“Because... because you’re a guy and I’m... I’m gay” Cyrus froze at that, unsure if he heard TJ correctly. 

“You’re... what?”

“I said I was gay” TJ repeated with a trembling voice. “I... I never told her explicitly, but I guess she caught up on it somehow... maybe from the way I act around you or something” he blushes at that, and Cyrus just stared, completely dumbfounded. “Look, what I want to say is that I’m sorry, okay? I just... fuck, I just got so scared to be outed or something. I know it was wrong but... people are just starting to like me, I didn’t want them to hate me all over again. I’m still... learning to be better, but obviously I still need to work on that. But God, Cyrus, whatever happens, I don’t want to lose you. You mean too much to me, okay, and I really did want to do the costume with you. I’ve felt horrible for an entire week, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I just... I’m sorry” his voice died down, and he gazed at the ground. Cyrus remained silent, shocked. He asked for the truth, but he didn’t expect the truth to hurt him so much. It was weird. 

“Did you... “ his voice was soft. “Did you think I was going to judge you because you were gay?” He asked, looking at him. TJ looked up, not saying anything.

“... I don’t know, maybe? I didn’t want to take the chance” his voice sounded so weak. “It’s not necessarily that though” Cyrus took another step closer and gathered all his courage to take his hands.

“I would never do that, TJ. I don’t care if you’re gay.” He paused, and TJ looked at him, hope in his eyes. “I had no idea Kira had done that to you. I feel so bad now” he sighed. “I thought you hated me or something, but turns out, it’s something way worse. She shouldn’t have done that, she shouldn’t have made you feel wrong. If I had known... I wouldn’t have avoided you for a week. I’m sorry.” There was yet another silence after that. 

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay. It’s my fault”

“It’s not” Cyrus shook his head. “It’s Kira’s. For the record, I want you to know that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you” TJ managed to smile weakly at Cyrus. 

“I know that. I just... didn’t feel ready for people to know”

“I get it. There’s a time and place for those kind of things” Cyrus, of all people, knew all too well how that felt. He then frowned a bit. 

“Wait, but earlier, you said that Kira picked up on the fact that you were gay... because of the way you acted around me? ” The other boy’s cheeks turned a bright red at that. 

“Yeah... I... I act differently around you, compared to everyone else. And it’s not... some sort of coincidence. It’s because I like you, Cyrus. I like you a lot” Hearing him say that sent Cyrus’ feeling spiralling. All the questions he’d be asking for months suddenly answered. All his fears, his insecurities, everything it was like everything made sense now. TJ liked him. TJ Kippen, his own crush, liked him. Never did he think he’d get this far. When he met his gaze again, it was filled with softness. He could honestly jump of joy right now. He felt relief, he felt pure happiness, he was all over the place. 

“I like you too”

“What?” TJ seemed confused for a second, like he didn’t hear right. Cyrus chuckled a bit. 

“O-oh... you do?” He clearly didn’t think he’d get that far. Cyrus nodded. 

“Yes, yes I do. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about you” he finally admitted. How it felt nice to finally tell someone. TJ’s face literally lit up at that, and he hugged him happily. Cyrus laughed, patting him on the back. 

“God, I like you so much, I hope you always remember that okay? No matter how much stupid shit I do, please always remember that” Cyrus couldn’t help but smile at that. TJ actually genuinely liked him. No feeling in the world beat the one he felt at that moment, 

“I will, I promise” he pulled back a little to look at him. “You know, I think the universe wanted us to make up. The reason I finally got the courage to text you was because my step-mom bought blueberry macadamia nut muffins, and I thought of you” TJ chuckled a bit.

“Awwww, really?”

“Yeah” Cyrus blushed a bit. “I know they’re your favourite. And I ate one, it was delicious”

“Oh my god, I have to let me taste one” TJ pleaded. It only made Cyrus laugh. 

“Of course. I was planning on it” he barely finished his sentence that TJ was already tugging on his arm, which made Cyrus smile. He was glad that he had finally made up with TJ. It hadn’t been that hard, in the end, he had just needed a little push. A little push from the universe.


End file.
